I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
