end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
