I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
