and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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