Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
