she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
