you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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