he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
