If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
