Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
