he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
