Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Shame - the story of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
