I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
