That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
