Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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