what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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