And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize