There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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