If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
