i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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