The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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