When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
