he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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