using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My life is pants optional.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
