finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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