I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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