Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
