Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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