Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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