You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
