Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
True college students do jello shots in the library
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