I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
