Need sex. Gaining weight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
