No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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