like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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