____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
