Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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