shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
