I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
