i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
