its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
pop tarts are not kleenex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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