Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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