The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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