my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
