Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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