Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
