Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
