I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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