Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
