Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
