I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
