You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize