I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
