Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Damn victory sex feels great
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
