Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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