my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How does one acquire holy water?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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