I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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