Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
