sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need moral support for this bender
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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