hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
