the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
