i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drunk is not a location!
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