I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
