I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is classic penis vs brain.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
