First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
