brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
