I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
