ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
