Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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