I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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