So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
