I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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