Don't make out with my wife yet
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
